I sit here. In an empty pub. After an argument with my husband.
Listening to kings of Leon’s- wait for me.
So far so normal. Also a tad ironic thanks to the playlist. All seems well. I look like a civvy. In a civvy relationship. I look normal.
But it’s far from normal. It’s just not.
I’ve walked out of the house tonight. Valentine’s Day night.
Yeah. So kind of a big deal. I guess. I mean I’ve never put too much stock in V day. But to be honest that’s because we never ever seem to spend them together.
And as I sit here I have realised something.
Something amazing.
Something a little bit sexy.
Something empowering,
For ALL of us. Not just me.
It’s scary. I’ve warned you. It’s scary because it makes your realise the strength we have.
The POWER we have.
(Cut to the chase drunk Olive I hear you cry!)
WE CAN DO THIS WITHOUT THEM!
(See I told you it was empowering and sexy).
We can cope without them. Let’s be honest. Having our partners home is an added bonus to our lives.
We can drop them if they aren’t up to scratch.
We can do the 24/7 childcare.
We can go to work.
We can run a house.
We can study.
We can socialise.
We can LIVE.
We can literally live without them.
Knowing this is bloody empowering. It’s liberating. And it should make you look at your partner and consider them-
Ask yourself this-
Do they respect me?
Do they like my friends?
Do they build me up or knock me down?
Do they celebrate my achievements?
Do they recognise my sacrifice because of their job?
Will they sacrifice because of my job?
Will they see my pursuits as equal value to their own?
Will they understand my insecurities about their job?
Will they address my insecurities in a calm and rational manner?
Do they feel that special considerations should be made because of their behaviour on deployment?
If they can’t add to your life then… well, what are they really doing there?
You know, you fucking know you can do this. You’ve done it. I’ve done it. We’ve done it. We can all keep doing it.
If we need to. If they aren’t good enough. We can call time on the relationship. In full confidence and knowledge that we can cope with it.
Can they?
Told you.
It’s scary.
It’s powerful.
It’s true.
Muchos love.
Olive.
Olive Oyl, Navy wife. 
Oh Olive! Your timing, as always, is impeccable. After OST, deployment, POs course and leadership back to back over the last 2 years I called time on my marriage last night. Valentines night. I’ve been up all night crying, still crying now and I make porridge and eggs and anything else the tiny humans demand. Wondering where I go from here when he refuses to leave the MQ.
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Oh wow. Spooky timing or what? Keep going. You can do this. Keep telling yourself you can do this and you deserve a partner who is a committed and strong as you are. Good luck x
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My heart goes out to you ❤️. If you need advice on your housing situation you can speak to the NFF. https://nff.org.uk
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As the Navy Guy in this discussion (sorry) I apologise for us to start, however from my viewpoint, I have been a sailor for nigh on 40 years, been married 3 times! ( first the typical starter marriage – got hitched 3 weeks prior to an 8 month deployment and came home to her with a live in boyfriend and a lodger in a new house (she had sold mine while I was away) ended up living onboard which is pretty depressing) got the house back eventually but all the furniture etc was trashed, and all my clothes etc (plus all the family photos that i had from parents, grand parents were dumped and mouldy in the garage
Wife 2 married for nearly 3 years and then suddenly she met someone at work and it was bye bye
Finally married my current wife 21 years ago – happy as Larry and very independant, we have emigrated and everything is cushty! The right person is there but in pussers marriages it takes a very special person and it takes 2 of you to make the effort.
It’s not easy but it is worth it, people are too quick to walk away when with a little effort you can make things work.
Enjoy your blog Olive so hang in there
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My boyfriend of 7 years has just joined the RAF and I have just discovered your blog. I am so reassured that there are other women out there speaking up about the difficulties of your loved one being away. I am still trying to convince myself that I can do things on my own without him. I hope this empowerment will come to me soon!
Thank you for your words though, keep them coming xxx
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