Pussers socks

I need to rant, a straight up rant.

Until very very recently I thought I was the only one who had a major hate problem towards an inanimate object, specifically clothing.

That was until I posted on a Facebook page for navy wives about my hatred towards said item of clothing.

I was amazed at the response. I am not alone in my hatred of pussers socks!!!! Other wives too have told me that they can’t stand them!

First of all, for those of you lucky enough to not have these items of clothing in your life/laundry bin, pussers socks are of the devil navy issued thick black socks.

“Olive, why all the negative nelly-ness? They’re only socks, how bad can they be?” I hear you cry.

Well they aren’t just any old socks, these socks may be self aware. Or at least up to no good. Let me elaborate.

They are basically made of something akin to Velcro, they attract ALL hair and ALL fluff that your husbands feet may encounter. And when you live with me (I’m a moulter) and a hairy Westie dog then the socks become a veritable lint roller for the floor.

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It doesn’t matter how many times you wash them, those hairs ain’t never coming out. Ever. Ever.

So then you end up storing all the socks up for when you’re doing a load of towels or, what is even more ridiculous, just doing a load of washing exclusively of pussers socks. Which obviously is a little bit bonkers because, well they’re socks for goodness sake.

Another strange quality these socks possess is that, once brought home from the issuing depot, and worn and taken off, they will never match again. Each sock is made of a slightly different weave/pattern/thickness and you will drive yourself crazy if you try to match them into pairs. Don’t even try. The different thickness would really annoy me, but if Popeye thinks I’m going to spend ages sorting out those beasts, he better get himself another wife!

And they seem to be able to move. One navy wife said that she swears they multiply in the drawer. I thought about this and it makes perfect sense. They separate from their pairs and then go in search of a mate that is biologically different from themselves, once found they disappear into the drawer, or, in my house (the reason for the original Facebook rant) under the bed, where they bump uglies (which is the whole sock I imagine) and make new, giant thick socks to annoy you. You will find nests of these socks only once your hubby has deployed and he is safely thousands of miles away.

All you can do is destroy the nests and return them to the sock drawer. We used to share an undies drawer but now, because of the socks, Popeye has a whole drawer basically just filled with them, bursting at the seams.

Another navy wife made an interesting point, that also applies to Popeye. Sailors, it’s seems love these socks. They think they’re comfy. And stylish, Popeye wears his even when not at work. And I can only assume, seductive, based on the reports of partners attempting to play footsie with the beasts on their feet. (Err no, I don’t think so, I’ve got a headache.)

In the interests of science I have worn them before, and I’ve just put on a pair now to evaluate their comfort level. Yes they are thick, and I imagine very nice and warm during winter. But these socks are issued year round, and below decks is usually a balmy mix of BO and farts, not exactly “snuggly socks” conditions. They are also scratchy and nylony. Ok I guess, but not anything I would get attached to.

I can only surmise that sailors get attached to these strange socks because they are navy issue, and therefore have almost a nostalgic place in their heart. They are reliable I guess, and they are practical. But they are still totally gross and far far too big for any normal footed sized man, they go past my knee.

I know it’s a really weird thing to be grossed out about, but they truely are massive, unmatching and seemingly never clean. The sheer volume of them is what really takes the mick. And the fact that I am sure they wait for hubster to deploy, before emerging into the light in their swarms.

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17 thoughts on “Pussers socks

  1. As a avid wearer of pussers thick blacks, I am here to answer a few questions and sooth those troublesome woe’s. 1) they do not multiply like some sort of cotton weaved gremlin, we are issued 2 pairs every calendar month. We pay enough tax so we claim it back in the form of socks. 2) there is no magical, pet hair, fluff attracting weave in there construction. There is only 2 types of pussers thick black, those that are weaved from chuck Norris’ beard and those from the hair of God himself and finally 3) they are the only known product on this planet to fully protect and cure the wearer of every sexually transmitted disease, AIDS and any other health effecting virus that has stumped scientific and medical research.

    1. Thank you Aj for enlightening us! I must say that I appreciate your raw enthusiasm for pussers socks. However do you not think you may be just a tad too enthusiastic? Bordering on obsessional? Also surely if they truly are spun from chuck Norris’ beard hair then our feeble washing machines would break every wash cycle? At the very least I’d expect them to take out my regular civvy socks my mother in law buys me each Christmas.
      I now live in hope that pussers thick blacks hold the key to the cure to the T virus too.

  2. And what is with the new uniform? It’s like they sat down and discussed how to make washing more of a nightmare… “I know, let’s have a shirt made almost entirely of scraps if Velcro so those awful socks and anything remotely of the same material can cling together in the washing machine”, “yes, and we’ll use a nasty material that fades from the first wash so it will never look the same again”, “and not forgetting those cheap t shirts that shrink even at 30°”.

  3. I left the Royal Navy under four years ago and still have a couple pairs lingering. Sometimes I don’t see them for months and then they seem to re-appear, seriously, it’s crazy! But I do get that ounce of nostalgia return when I come accross them.

  4. I left some 10 years ago and still have plenty of pairs left. THEY ARE AWESOME!!! My stepson (who is a farrier) used to wear hiking type boot socks when working, and they would wear out in less than a month. I gave him 10 pairs of pussers thicks before we emigrated and he still wears then– not a hole in sight. Don’t diss anything that can put up with that level of abuse.

      1. I think that the fumigation process and the tenacity of the customs and ministry of primary industries here rendered them inert and sterile. That said I still seem to have more than when I started

  5. Pussers blacks are up there with cockroaches for survivability. They’ll certainly outlive their owner and most probably survive the apcolypse. I’ve been retired five years and still wear them daily. I spent my last few months collecting loads so they would last, and have a few loyal oppos still serving who will pop in and pass me their unwanted issue. My wife’s never had a problem with them, although she did used to hate how my overalls made the machine smell of aviation fuel.

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