This is a washing machine. Fairly normal right? Just a run of the mill bog standard white household appliance.
But wait! Look a little closer.
That washing machine is in the house of a service person!
Recent research has brought to light a startling discovery, brace yourselves:
All household appliances built post WWII have built in Deployment Detectors™.
Deployment Detectors™ are a microscopic nano technology, invisible to the naked eye, that can easily be incorporated into motherboards, microchips, petrol caps, fridge lights and electrical plugs. These teeny weeny microchips can fit literally anywhere and in any piece of equipment you need to use in order to carry on as a functioning member of society.
Yes, I hear you cry, but what do they do?!
Well, after extensive and thorough testing at Oyl Labs we have found that Deployment Detectors™ use sophisticated sensors to monitor the environment. And in the house of a military family their true purpose is revealed.
When a deployment has begun, a chain reaction of drinking wine, having a good old cry, installing a countdown app on your phone and sleeping in “his” dirty t shirts causes certain pheromones to be emitted by the partner of said service person.
These deployment pheromones are picked up by household appliances fitted with a Deployment Detector™ which springs into life, randomly shooting out electrical/mechanical/spiritual signals into the appliance.
Deployment Detectors™ cause the appliance to break without warning. But only when your service person has left on deployment.
Note: They are at their most effective when you are late for work, have looked forward to something all day and/or have too much month left at the end of the money.
Why do Deployment Detectors™ exist?
Good question. Here at Oyl Labs we can only surmise that it was some evil Nazi plot to drive military wives and girlfriends over the edge during deployment. A second, more modern theory is that Isis have in fact infiltrated most high street retailers and they are doing this because they hate to see women (and men) kick ass coping with deployment. Further research is needed to determine the true origins of these devices.
All I can say for now is be vigilant, and don’t fight it. Expect for household appliances to break as soon as your Popeye sails over the horizon. And expect it to break at the most stressful time with the most stressful repercussions.
Knowledge is power.
(Olive Oyl is in no way affiliated with Deployment Detectors™. All associations mentioned herein are coincidental. Research carried out under strict laboratory conditions at Olive Towers Laboratorys (Inc) and adhered to health and safety regulations (2005). All published data is attributed to Olive Oyl Labs©.)