I want to talk about something that has happened to me every single deployment.
It’s not something I’m proud of but its still a thing that happens time and time again so I’m hoping that it is therefore, normal and healthy. And sane.
It happens when they’ve been gone for a good chunk of time. 2-3 months maybe. The longer they’ve been gone the worse it is.
Im going about my day to day fabulousness and I’m generally coping and looking pretty fly whilst doing so.
It hits me.
The crippling, genuine fear that I’ve actually forgotten what Popeye looks like and/or sounds like.
I’ve gone memory blind.
“Omg omg omg I am the worst wife/girlfriend/life partner ever.”
I blush and get a hot and cold panicky feeling in the bottom of my tummy.
Suddenly I pelt my poor deployment beaten brain with such questions as:
“What does his nose look like?!
What are the shade of his eyes?!
Does he have Gaston from beauty and the beast type chin or a Rick from TWD type chin?!
Does he like ketchup or mayonnaise?
Exactly how tall is he?!
WHO IS POPEYE?!?!?!!!!!!!”
Sure sure I could just whip my phone out and look at a picture. But that would be cheating. So instead I go for the self torture route. Of course. Very healthy. Very British.
I test myself. I quiz myself and berate myself for every question my memory can’t answer perfectly and instantly.
“What are the shape of his lips?
How do I hold hands?
What does kissing feel like?!?!”
These last two tie me up in knots as I freak out over whether I will remember how to snog on homecoming day.
Visions of teeth crashing together or accidentally giving him a Glaswegian Kiss sail into my merciless mind as I struggle to remember the slant of his eyebrows.
Cursing my memory to the depths of Hades- I give in and open up Facebook to see Popeyes smiling face. I let myself have a little cry and resolve to study every freckle and hair, every quirk and crease until they are tattooed on my memory.
And as for the kissing and hand holding I will just have to wing it on the day and hope that he’s feeling as beyond nervous as I am to see each other face to face again.
Besides if I do accidentally nut him in the face it will be one hell of an ice breaker, right?