I’m trying to untangle why I feel so jumbled up at the moment. I feel scared, I feel angry but most of all I feel let down. Let down by the government and by (some of) the British public.

It feels like the whole world has flipped upside down. And I’m desperately trying to make sense of it all.

I thought I’d write about it, because that always makes me feel better- I hope it helps you too if you’re feeling the same way.

Let’s start at the very beginning. I’m I guess what you would call a “Gen Xer”… just. I got in on my coat-tails and avoided the millennial school of thought.

The point is I remember the vibe in the country during the Iraq war. I remember seeing the twin towers get blown up. Whatever I believe, and you believe about that day now, at the time- I believed that the entire wests way of life was under attack.

I remember watching the news and seeing all these servicemen and women who were getting killed in Iraq. I remember looking at my mates at school and at college- Chris H, Chris C, Jeremy, Richard and Matt- and thinking that that could have been them, if they had been born a year or two earlier.

I chilled me to the bone.

I remember being at college and hearing that Duncan had joined the Marines or the Navy, and that Richard had joined the RAF. I remember hoping they would be safe- even if Duncan was a dickhead who had twanged my bra strap in the geography corridor. He was a good laugh and one of the only normal boys in top set science.

I remember watching the people going down the tube steps as the bombs went off in 2005. I remember the stories of being trapped in dark tunnels underground, the dust, the fear, the death.

I remember thinking that trains and buses aren’t safe and being scared to use them.

I remember talking to my friends and family and my Mum saying to me “Olive- the terrorists want you to be scared, they want you to be terrified. That’s where the name comes from terrorists”.

And something just clicked in my head.

There was no way I was going to let these crazy people dictate the emotions in my head or the actions of my body. I got on trains, I took buses, I went to music concerts.

I think around that time the “Keep Calm and Carry On” message had a resurgence- it was on mugs, tea towels, clothes, it got turned into jokey memes. But it still carry’s a deep resonance with myself and (I hope) a lot of the British public.

It reminded us of what we gave and went through in WWI and WW2. It is entrenched into the very bones of our culture.

We keep calm and we carry on. No one stops our British way of life.

Then I met Popeye and the whole richter scale changed. Suddenly I had him to worry about.

Suddenly I got interested in the news, global politics, women’s rights worldwide. I saw what Islamic faction terrorists were doing to women and schoolgirls across the world- Dafur, Iraq, Afghanistan, Nigeria et al.

I remember the Royal Navy sailor Timothy MacColl who went missing in Dubai. I wasn’t a mother yet but I remember seeing the pain on his pregnant wife’s face- did they ever find out what happened to him?

Terrorism at home continued, MP Stephen Timms was stabbed by an Islamic extremist in 2010, and of course, the utterly gut wrenching and evil murder of Lee Rigby.

We had children. Two girls. The rights of women became even more important to fight for.

Then there were the two London Bridge attacks. I was due to go there the next day in 2017. I went to the Tower of London to meet my best mates from uni. The roads were still closed and I saw a pair of latex gloves in the street discarded by a first responder. I walked right past the cordon.

I was keeping calm and carrying on. I shushed the voices in my head that whispered “what if…” and made me imagine leaving my children motherless.

Over time I realised that I didn’t have to do this military life alone, that there was a whole community- a family- of service men and women, veterans and their loved ones who could understand not just intermittent fear of terrorism as a member of the British public, but also had an awareness of the ongoing Islamic terrorist threat at home and around the world.

For us, the threat never went away. Every time I would drop Popeye off or pick him up I would see the current threat level sign as a cheery reminder.

Every time there were reports of terrorist related stabbing, rapes, murders- wherever it was in the world- it hit home.

Because I understand the sacrifice our ancestors made. I’m living it right now and have done everyday since I was shown a magic trick and bought a raspberry cosmopolitan by a sailor in a bar in Yeovil.

Popeye served in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has told me he lost friends and saw things he won’t talk about. He just clams up after that.

We talk about the ultimate sacrifice but there are other sacrifices going on all the time to keep you safe.

Popeye missed the birth of our eldest, he missed both the girls first steps. He’s missed countless plays, birthdays, anniversaries and Christmases because he was serving his country.

So, how do we say thank you? How do we even begin to show our appreciation for this?

We don’t ask for much. Just two minutes of your time. And one weekend a year of grace, respect and dignity.

I hope that the march planned for the 11th goes well and is peaceful. We should be proud that Great Britain is upholding the right of free speech. Peaceful protest is one of the great strengths of a democratic country and should not be stopped or silenced.

(Note that I said peaceful protests. That is a fundamental democratic right. The there is no right to riot, to assault, to disrupt or cause distress to society. There is no right to terrorise.)

The threat never went away. The Armed Forces community knows this. They know that any one of them could be the next Lee Rigby.

This is what the general public and our government don’t seem to understand. There is a wolf in sheep’s clothing in our flock. Asking the wolf to play nice doesn’t work.

War is war. We go to war to stop the terrorists. They will use every trick in the book to advance their cause- including building tunnels and storing weapons under civilian buildings.

We cannot live in fear, we cannot cower in our own country. We will not let them rob us of our right to honour our dead.

Be under no illusion- they will not compromise and they will not stop of their own accord.

I’ve always voted left until recently, where I have spoilt my ballot to stick a middle finger up at party’s that don’t know what a woman is. Whom I vote for is of no business of anyone’s.

But if my view that terrorists should be stopped and that they won’t “play nicely” makes me tarred and feathered as far right then so be it. I know my own mind. I’m confident in myself. My self image is not dependent on others views and opinions of me.

I’d rather stand with the great Armed Forces of our country than against them.

Muchos love, Olive

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