Why does no one talk about the Parallel Universe of new flung parenthood?
Sure there are a zillion million websites and vlogs devoted to telling you platitudes Such as “you’re doing brilliantly” and also the bloody classic “motherhood is so hard but it’s so rewarding”.
Well I am just here to raise a small flag (as a mother of 2 and 3 year old girls) to say to hell it is!!!
As a new Mum all you can think about is four things (mostly 1 &2 to be fair)
- sleep. Glorious sexy wanton sleep. SLEEP.
- breastfeeding- my boobs! They hurt! Am I doing this right? Are they getting enough and I can’t believe stuff is coming out of them!!!!
3. Am I clean? *sniffs self*. Nope.
4. I really should eat.
5. Sleep. I really want to sleep. I would commit a crime in order to sleep right now.
And that’s basically it.
For the first few week or so as a new Mum the entire world can just do one.
All that matters in the world is you and your little one. And getting the sodding bastarding latch right.
And I think that’s okay.
In fact I think it’s more than ok.
I think it’s a essential component of human kinds survival.
I think it’s an instinct.
I think it’s a way of saying that I NEED to hold my baby right now, thanks mother in law/ helpful now-great-aunt but this is MY JOB.
And yes- I don’t know what the fuck I am doing.
And yes!!! It fucking hurts!
And yes!!! I AM GOING TO KEEP GOING
It’s my baby and my body and my mind all involved in this gig called motherhood.
My body can tolerate more than my husband or partner will ever know.
I know my mind is strong. I’m the strongest woman Popeye will ever know and I’ve got this.
I look at my baby’s face and realise failure not an option anymore because I made this.
This total and utter perfection. This smallness. This beauty.
This infinite potential.
Let me tell you mothers of small squidgins of loveliness- the haze will lift. And you won’t even know its happening.
An hours more sleep here, a shower alone during nap time there, slowly the streams of babbling get clearer, they reach out a small hand into the wide world and grasp precisely what they were aiming for.
And suddenly they are there- demanding food in receptacles that YOU TAUGHT HER TO SAY. And she can sing all the songs from Frozen.
Now suddenly she can get dressed, tell me the plot to moana and insist she has pigtails today.
And I know. I’ve done it.
I’m a mother.
The fog. It’s gone. Her clarity brings my role sharply into focus like it wasn’t when she was my infant baby.
How did this happen?! From those first crazy days of learning how to latch, how baby wipes are an essential component of civilised society and wtf a jumperoo was- I really don’t know. But I did it man.
I never ever knew what I was doing.
I was alone and scared a lot of the time. During deployments with a newborn to a six month old, and another 9 month deployment with a 2 year old and a six month old. Woah.
I did that. We did that.
I don’t know how it happened. From the moment I found out I was pregnant it’s been like a runaway train. There was excitement. Then tiredness. And goodbyes. And homecomings. Then more goodbyes then (more) tiredness. And another homecoming.
I see them grow and bloom. And now I’m back at excitement again.
What will they do next?
I pause for a moment.
And away my babies fly.
Muchos love, Olive x